Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Why Me?

So what was it that got me started on this primal path?  I was not overweight.  In fact, at my heaviest non-post-pregnancy state I was 132 pounds.  That was my no-good-reason-for-it-heaviest-weight.  And I hated it.  I was lumpy.  I had fat pockets.  In bad places.  Lumps on the tops of the back of my hips, and if I had any ass whatsoever, it might have looked like I had booty.  But no, I had no ass.  So it was one weird extra high lump that made me wish they sewed the pockets higher on jeans so it didn't look so...odd.  And I had ab fat.  Two large pregnancies followed both times by c-sections.  And saddlebags.  Oh, yea, those fat lumps on the insides of your thighs.  Very...pretty....  Under skinnier conditions, you could have passed a 2x4 through the gap between my two thighs.  But not so much anymore.  So I was not heavy, not by a long shot, but I was skinny-fat.

I'd eaten a Zone diet, off and on, for about a decade.  If it was good enough for Jennifer Aniston, it was good enough for me.  But it wasn't really good enough for me.  I didn't spend 2 hours a day in the gym.  And wow, the cravings!  Every half-cup portion of starchy food made me simply want more starchy food.  But it wasn't the zone that got me here.  It was my colon.

Yea, that's right.  We're gonna talk bowel health.  Anyone who has ever abused laxatives, of any kind, knows what I'm talking about.  There was no laxative out there, no fiber pill or powder, no amount of beans or physillium that would keep me regular.  Yup, that is what brought me here.  Try googling "Is fiber bad for you?" and you'll eventually find yourself reading blogs from the world of paleo, about grain-free existences and happy guts.

That was sometime in August 2011, not so long ago at all.  But then I had a huge stumbling block.  Around a month into it, happy to be past the "carb flu" finally, my appendix suddenly burst.  Never had a day of appendix trouble in my whole life.  They didn't know it had burst, at first, and after a grueling 24 hours of complete agony and a CAT scan and an x-ray, they figured it out.  Maybe, when asked to rate my pain on a scale of 1-10, I should have screamed 15 like a crazy lady.  Silly, practical me, I thought I'd keep it simple.  I said 10.  And to add insult to injury, while the surgeon was in there, he decided to make it a 2-for and throw in a hernia operation.  Who knew I had a hernia? 

So I had several post-op days in the hospital, food deprived days, drug-induced deep thought days (wow, there was no shortage of demerol, morphine and percoset.  I was almost stoned to the point of being comatose.  Oh, it hurts, yes I'll take some pills, wow, what just happened--where did the last 2 hours go?

I seriously questioned my new primal/paleo diet.  I'd lost 5 pounds over a month, and ended up in hospital.  Wow.  That didn't seem right.  Had I done this to myself?  My bowels had finally been happy!  It didn't seem fair.  Then the surgeon came in and told my why this had happened.  This is where the blog gets graphic, for those of you who are weak of heart and stomach.  Know what he said?  Fossilized poop.  Yep.  Seriously, he said that.  Chronic constipation is the #1 cause of appendicitis.  Then he also went on to say 6 weeks of no exercise.  Now, I was loving running, which I was terrible at and that's why I did it, and now suddenly no running, no lifting, not even doing my own laundry for 6 weeks?  Hmmm.  Mixed blessing, I guess.

So I knew this whole primal/paleo thing was the right thing.  In my belly, no grains=happy guts.  Now there's no looking back.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not a miracle.  I still have ab fat.  Just less ab fat at this point.  And less lumps.  In some places.  (I don't yet know why I have lumps ontop of my hip flexer muscles--they're just weird.)  So now, today, I'm about 3 1/2 months into my journey.  And just about past that 6 week mark.  And I have been going stir-crazy chomping to get out there again.  Let the fun begin....

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